Episode Transcript
[00:00:05] Speaker A: Welcome to Red, White and Brown, the podcast that discusses the interesting upbringing of desi American immigrants and what happens when Eastern culture meets the Western world. I'm Pre Rock.
[00:00:14] Speaker B: And I'm Sophia. We are going to be talking a little bit about New Year's resolutions. So I want to start out by asking you, Prak, did you guys grow up setting New Year's resolutions like you and your sister, or just in your family in general?
[00:00:30] Speaker A: Surprisingly, I don't remember too many moments where we would actually sit down and set them. I always knew that it would be a thing with family and friends.
So, for example, we would celebrate New Year's with our big family, which is 40, 50 people.
And in those parties, we would often go around and have New Year's resolutions for our families. And so our family would say, okay, our resolution this year is maybe to buy a house or spend more time at home. But I never recall personal resolutions aside from ones that maybe I made just for the fun of it or because someone asked me to. What about you, Sophia?
[00:01:06] Speaker B: Yeah, I do remember growing up where, like, my mom would have me and my brother come up with something that we wanted to do or something that we wanted to stop doing.
And I think as I got older, it became more of, like, goals for the year that I would set. But, yeah, I did grow up with it.
And I am curious, do you think the whole New Year's resolutions or New Year's goals thing is a good thing? Or do you think it just feeds into the whole, like, toxic productivity thing that we, especially as, you know, immigrants and stuff, we have this, like, hustling mentality, and we're so focused on achieving all the time, and. And we don't value rest as much. Like, do you think it's a good thing or not so much?
[00:01:49] Speaker A: I think, like, as a concept, it is a good thing, right? Like, organizations will set goals all the time. Like Stanford Healthcare, for example, which is where I work, will have goals for the next year. But I think there's a fine line between achievable go and, like, really aspirational ones. And part of an achievable goal to me means that it needs to have a smaller frame than a year. For an organization, it's different, right? An organization has tons of people, so it can maybe think about what it wants to do in a year. But as a person, I just think a year is such a long time. And I say this with the knowledge that even a year feels like it can go by very fast. But let's be honest. We have no idea what could happen in 365 days. And to be honest, I don't think I'm the same person as I was at the beginning of January this year. So instead, I like to break goals down, if I even set them into smaller goals. And so the thing about New Year's resolution is that you're always thinking about a year, but instead I like to think about, okay, what do I want to do in the next three months, four months, and go from there. The other thing about New Year's resolutions that I think not many people talk about, but it's implicitly mentioned, is that you're often saying your goals out loud. And there is a lot of research here that shows that when you say your goals out loud, it actually makes you feel like you already achieved a part of them, so you're less likely to actually go out and achieve it.
So because of that, your motivation will drop and you don't even care about the goal as much.
So with that being said, I think it's a plus minus for me if you're. If I do them, I do them on a shorter scale than most people.
And other than that, I think integrating it into very specific, measurable outcomes, which is what I'm going to talk about later, is also helpful. So, for example, saying I'm going to stay off my phone for, like, one day a week for this upcoming three weeks is, like a helpful thing that you can hold yourself up to. What about you, Sophia?
[00:03:45] Speaker B: Well, I like what you said about the whole dopamine spike with talking about your goals, because I think that's so true. Like, I feel like we all know someone who's always saying they're gonna do xyz, and then they never do it. And that's probably why, right? Because they get this good feeling by telling everyone, like, oh, hey, I'm gonna xyz, and everyone pats them on the back and. And then their motivation is gone after that. Right?
So that's a good point. But I personally, I do think it's a good thing to always be pushing yourself to, you know, be the best that you can be. Of course there's. There's a balance, right? Like, we are such hustlers in our community, and we're always working. And, like, you know, I've never set a New Year's goal about rest or rejuvenation, right? It's always focused on accomplishing more and more. You know, who knows whether that's a good thing or a bad thing? But in the last Several years. My goals have definitely been about fitness as well, which. That, at least is personal. And that feels like that's good for me. Even if it's not rest per se, it's still kind of like this personal enrichment, rejuvenating type thing. So that's kind of. Yeah, my thought on it.
[00:04:52] Speaker A: Yeah, I think rest is, like, very underrated, particularly as we get older. And I think we've talked about being in our 30s now. Right. Like, by having rest, I think you realize how much more rejuvenated you can be for other parts of your life. And you realize, like, oh, I can bring a better version of myself to those things, which I think is like a win in its own right.
And, yes, maybe we're not used to setting a goal to rest and whatever form that may be. And for you, it seems like it could be exercise or maybe you want to have a more regular sleep schedule like me. But I have realized that by prioritizing just rest, I feel drastically different and better, and I'm fully present as opposed to, like, oh, I'm working a ton, but I'm sleeping four hours a night, and I'm literally exhausted all the time. I think that's really, really a different vibe.
[00:05:40] Speaker B: Yeah, I totally agree. And I also think around this time of year, there can be a lot of anxiety around goals. You know, generally speaking, I think for Americans, but especially for South Asian Americans, you know, we tend to have people setting expectations about being married at a certain time. You know, our people in our community get married at a younger age, on average, than the average American.
So there's like, this pressure to hit career milestones that we have in our American capitalist society. But then there's also this pressure around family life. Right. What advice would you have to anyone who's feeling that way?
[00:06:18] Speaker A: I can't relate more to that than anyone else. I mean, I can relate more to that than anyone else. And I say this because I think we just always have this pressure. I had the pressure to get married, and now there's a pressure to have kids, especially from South Asian parents. Right. But I will focus again on running analogies because I've been a runner for basically my whole life, so running has a lot of parallels to life. And every runner, just like every person's life is very different.
So the saying in running is to just run your own race. Right? And the big thing is in a marathon race, there's gonna be people that finish in two hours, and then there's gonna be people that finish in five hours. And one's honestly not better than the other. And actually, I would argue that sometimes those finishing in five hours are actually happier than those finishing in three, because this might be their first marathon, and they just did something they didn't think could ever be done. And I say this all because it is very important to run your own race in life. Um, because there's gonna be pressures. But guess what? We're not all gonna run a marathon in three hours. And we're definitely not all gonna run a marathon in the exact same time. But all of us are doing the marathon of life, and we should give ourselves finish in the pace that we want to finish. I also will say, control what you can control, and don't underestimate what can happen in a year. Right. I thought I hadn't been married before I started residency, and just in this year alone, I got married, my sister got married. We had, like, two separate honeymoons for both of us. Like, our whole family just entirely changed this year, and that was just in one year. So just because you think you're behind the clock or not living up to someone else's expectation, just continue to run your own race, and you'll be surprised by how much can happen in a year.
What are your thoughts on this, Sophia?
[00:08:05] Speaker B: I like the running analogy, and I really like what you said about focus on what you can control. Right. I think one thing that I did differently in 2025 for, like, goal setting was I focused a lot on inputs rather than outcomes. So in previous years, I might have said something like. I mean, going with the fitness example, like, I might have said something like, I want to lose 10 pounds. Okay. Yeah.
And in 2025, I kind of changed my strategy to, I want to run twice a week, I want to strength train twice a week, and I only want to eat dessert twice a week. So kind of like, instead of focusing on the result or the outcome I am focusing on, these are the inputs. These are the things that I can do. Like, these are things I can put on a to do list, Right?
[00:08:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:58] Speaker B: Get my workout in, you know, run two miles twice a week rather than, like, this big, ambiguous goal or this result that you want.
And the other example is, like, with board exams. And I'm sure, I mean, you and I both do Anki, which is flashcards, right?
[00:09:16] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:09:16] Speaker B: So of course, our big goal is we both wanted to pass our boards, and we both passed. But the input that we could control every day was we're doing our Anki, we're doing our practice questions. So I would say to anyone, pick a couple things that you are going to try to do every day that will feed into your ultimate goals and just really go hard on those.
And you can't change everything in a year. I know you kind of just gave an example about how your family did change so much in a year. But, you know, know, don't put pressure on yourself to change everything. Like focus on one or two big things and just going all in on those might be easier and have a higher likelihood of success than trying to spread yourself too thin.
[00:10:01] Speaker A: Yeah, I think that's a solid one. And even this stuff about my family having so many changes in a year, that's all the impact of compounding, right? Like, if you had said, I needed to get something like that done every year, it would have never been possible. But it's because the three or four years before this last year, it was just like a bunch of nothing and then everything happened at once. And so that's just compounding. And I really love your insight into, like, focus on your inputs. Outputs are impossible to control. Right. You can say, I want to run a marathon in three hours, that is not up to you. But you can say, I'm going to put in 40 miles a week, I'm going to do what I need to do. And if the output is not what I want, so be it, because I put in what I needed to do. The other reason I think I really like your input skill, Sophia, is that implicit in the way you set your goals? Is this smart framework? Have you heard about this framework?
[00:10:51] Speaker B: Yes, I have, but just talk about it so that the audience, in case they don't know, perfect.
[00:10:58] Speaker A: So the smart framework is very common and it's very common, especially in medicine because they send set a lot of goals like this as a hospital.
So SMART stands, each letter stands for something.
So for S, the S in smart stands for specific. So what you want to do is clearly define what you want to accomplish. So Sophia, in your case, that was running two miles, two days a week. That's very specific. The next thing is M. It's measurable. What metrics are you going to track to ensure that you're actually doing what you're doing? So for you again, it was, you said two miles, and that way you, when you run the two miles, you actually can say, I met this goal. The A stands for achievable. Right? Sophia, it would be really weird if you were like, I want to run 26.2 miles twice a week. Like, that's just not Achievable not just for you, but for most people.
[00:11:47] Speaker B: So you want to do something for me that would. That would be impossible. That's like, totally different universe.
[00:11:54] Speaker A: Exactly. And even for marathon runners, that's not a great goal in general. Right. So you want to include metrics that you know are realistic and determine if it's achievable for you. And start small and slowly build up. The R stands for relevant. And so you want to ensure the goal aligns with your broader objectives. And for you, Sophia, it was this aspect of, hey, I want to focus on my health, and this is one of the metrics. I'm going to track for that. And the T stands for time bound. You set a time for. It sounds like a year, but within your goal, you also set a time within a week where you said, I want to run twice a week. So when you have these smart goals, it breaks down this big, big goal of like, oh, I want to be more fit into something that you're doing more regular, regularly, and it's much more achievable. And I think that's very helpful for anyone setting a goal to follow a framework.
[00:12:43] Speaker B: Yeah, this is a great framework. I had heard of it, but it's not something that I consciously thought about. But you're making me feel really smart, no pun intended, because, yeah, I exactly follow this. And I mean, it is intuitive, you know, in some ways, I don't know if you agree with that it's intuitive,
[00:13:00] Speaker A: but I found that sometimes life and society make us think that we just need to set big goals. Like, I want to buy a house. And then you're like, okay, well, great. How do. Does that even happen?
So I think then you need to think, okay, what do I need to buy a house? How much down payment do I need? Like, these are all, like, basic things that if you ask yourself enough questions, you'll get to. But if you had a big goal and you're, like, really daunted by it, you can break it down by thinking about it in this framework.
So, Sophia, you came up with some amazing questions already, so I want to ask you a question now, especially because now you gave me some insight into your goals.
I think the big question that I have for you is, what was the biggest goal that you set for yourself last year? Because it sounds like you set some pretty impressive goals, and did you accomplish it? And then what's your biggest goal going into this upcoming year? And I also want everyone who's listening to share with us. You can share with us on Instagram, Spotify comments. So let us know. But Sophia, what are your thoughts?
[00:13:58] Speaker B: So I did set a lot of goals last year and I'm going to be honest, the most important goal kind of took over and I didn't accomplish everything I set out, but I did accomplish the most important goal, which was a career related one. And that was passing the pediatric board exam. And that's why I said earlier in the episode, try not to spread yourself too thin, because I am definitely guilty of doing that. What I find is that the one or two most important things tend to kind of like rise to the top and in my life at least will take over. So that's why I say just try to focus on one or two things. Anyways, but that was the goal for last year. And then for this upcoming year, my biggest goal is a health related one which is to do cardio twice a week. So 100 sessions in the year of running or squash or peloton biking because I am like not very cardiovascularly fit. I think I look fit when you look at me. I strength train a lot, but I do not have a lot of stamina. And I'm not a runner. I'm not so good at taking care of my heart health. And as South Asian Americans, that is very important for us as a community. So I'm going to try to practice what I preach.
And then second goal is related to not sending as much money and sticking to my budget. I'm a huge shopper and I wanted to share this one on here because I feel like in our community we don't always openly talk about money, but it is really important. And I think a lot of us in our later 20s and 30s should really be setting financial goals and talking about it with friends can be helpful. So that's kind of my goal for last year and this year. How about you? Do you have a financial goal for this year, by the way?
[00:15:44] Speaker A: I think I have a financial goal. Again, it's very ambitious and I'm not as good at setting smart goals as you. But ideally my biggest financial goal was becoming debt debt free. Especially as someone who was in medicine and we were in school for like almost 10 years, right? Money is so important and we kind of put off thinking about money for so long. Other people who are not in medicine start thinking about it a bit earlier. But all that being said, like I still have at least 50k in loans and that comes with interest, it comes with obligations, it comes with political involvement because some administrations may pause the payments, some administrations may actually cause you to pay them. And I think most recently they announced that if you're actually in default in any of your loans, they can start taking money out of your paycheck. So all that to say debt is very scary. It is something that I'm trying to actively pay off and then understanding how that then pays into. Am I going to pay off my debt? Should I be investing in my retirement? Should I invest personally in my personal investing account? These are all things I'm thinking a lot about. But I think the goal that's kind of at the top of my mind is getting my loans paid off. And I think that would be really impressive because then we can focus on actually just other goals we have.
[00:16:57] Speaker B: That is such a good goal. And I am rooting for you. I think you're gonna be able to do it as long as you don't let that lifestyle creep in. You know, just continue living how you were living before. You'll pay it off. That's awesome.
[00:17:10] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:17:12] Speaker B: And then is it okay if we finish with a couple listener questions?
[00:17:15] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, let's do it.
[00:17:17] Speaker B: Okay. So one person asks, and I'm going to summarize here. Is it selfish to prioritize work life balance? When my parents sacrificed everything for me, this wasn't like, specifically asked in relation to New Year's, but I feel like it is relevant with our discussion today. So what do you think?
[00:17:35] Speaker A: I mean, I think about this a lot. I don't think so. And I think the first people who will tell you that is your parents. Right? They love us and they love to tell us that when they were our age, they were battling 10 lions full time while taking care of the family and going to work. And they love telling they used to
[00:17:51] Speaker B: walk uphill to school both ways. Right?
[00:17:53] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:17:54] Speaker B: Uphill, both directions.
[00:17:56] Speaker A: I mean, they love to tell us that, but that's the 2020 hindsight bias. Right? Like, you can't judge our generation today based on the standards of the previous generation. The life we're living today is very different than the life they were living. And definitely they had their challenges. They did a lot of badass stuff. And the reality with most immigrant parents is that they just want what's best for you. And if a lack of a work life balance is causing you distress, it's not allowing you to function, then prioritize that. I mean, I've had personal mental health struggles and my parents are the first to be like, dude, just stop holding yourself to such crazy high standards. Relax, go out like, no one cares if you you fail this test and I think rest is so underrated. And I think one of those life aspects, work and life, right. The part about life is that it rejuvenates your work if you do it right. I have, as I said, a dog. And so me being able to spend time with that dog, I never realized it, but it brings me so much joy. And I feel when I go back to work, I like, am happier. So these are all things that give you the, maybe that 10% extra life that you needed to make it through your day so that you can be more present.
What do you think, Sophia?
[00:19:08] Speaker B: Well, I love everything you just said and I will say I met your parents at your wedding and they're just so sweet and I totally believe that they would be so supportive, you know, if you went to them with anything. And my parents too. I mean, I feel like, I do feel very lucky. Like my parents are always telling me to not work so hard. And I know it sounds like maybe you and I are anomalies, but also you and I work ourselves into the ground.
So, you know, that's, I think that's also part of it. I think when your parents see that, then of course they, they also are protective of us. Right? They want to ensure our well being. So I don't think it's selfish to prioritize work life balance. But that said, I do think that in 2025 we do need to prioritize activities that do feed back into our well being. Like when we think work life balance, the life piece of that, you know, we think of rest, we think of vacations and whatnot, but when we think of rest, that can still involve physical activity. Right. It shouldn't be rotting on the couch and doom scrolling because it's so easy with all these digital distractions to get caught up in that. And, and we need to realize like those things don't actually help us and they don't actually make us feel rested. Right. Like spending all day on screens, that, yeah, definitely that's not work life balance, I'm sorry to say.
Right. So the things that we choose to put our time into for rest or like the life piece of work life balance should still be good for other aspects of our life. So movement in a form that you really enjoy, dance, yoga, running, whatever it is, yes, those check off the box of work life balance and they give you that mental break. But then, but they're also important for your physical health. Right? So it's like two birds with one stone.
I don't know, maybe that's obvious, but I just feel like I see so many people spending so much time on screens and, and myself included, you know, so that's why I guess I wanted to just caveat.
[00:21:13] Speaker A: Yeah, let's just, let's make sure we do not associate doom scrolling with work life balance. I, I kid you not. I think doom scrolling these algorithms are so strong. I think it will be the death of this generation. If that's what we're assuming is rest, that is not rest. It's not normal. I have found myself in insane rabbit holes infecting your psychology and realizing, oh my God, I've been sitting here for an hour looking at random shit. So like, yes, that's not the same thing as rest and it certainly should not be associated with that.
So I'm going to now go on to another listener question that I had gotten that I want to share with you, Sophia. And I got this question a lot from almost everyone.
I want to set New Year, New Year's goals, but I feel like I'm already behind compared to my cousins. And you can replace cousins with whatever you want, friends, family, whatever it is. I just feel like I'm behind.
What advice do you have for me?
[00:22:12] Speaker B: I mean, behind in what, right? Like, what are we all racing towards death? Like, I think, I think these timelines that we make up in our head are crazy because life is so unpredictable. And you know, I, I will tell you, I kind of met the traditional timelines, right? I went straight to med school from undergrad. I got married at age 24. I was sort of like early in my age cohort to do that. I felt on track.
But now I'm 30 and I don't have a baby. And others my age, you know, other females my age at least do. And so now I'm behind, but like, it doesn't matter, right?
I like, yes, hopefully I have a baby in a couple years, but who can even predict if I'll be alive in a couple years, right? Like, we're all one scary accident or diagnosis away from our entire lives being turned inside out and these timelines not mattering anymore. So I think the most important thing we all know is, you know, to be a good person and do what you can every day to make the world better. And like, yes, plan for the future, but don't let it paralyze you, right?
If you're feeling anxious and you feel like you're behind, the antidote to that anxiety is action. So if you're worried about your career, don't just sit and fret about it, right? Take action.
So increase your knowledge base. Increase your skill set. Commit to some action every day. You know, if you're trying to find a partner, don't just sit and be anxious without changing anything in your life. Like, move to new city, Put yourself out there. Go to different events.
Take actions, right? Not just planning and thinking physical actions, because actions speak louder than words. And so if you feel like you're behind, just commit to taking action every day. And that is the way to make yourself feel better. What do you think?
[00:24:01] Speaker A: I think that's good. I think. I don't know if you came up with that quote, the antidote to anxiety is action. Did you do that? We can. We can save that and make sure that that's attributed to you. I really like that one.
[00:24:13] Speaker B: But I think you're like, I like to take ownership. Maybe I should look it up. Maybe I heard it somewhere.
[00:24:17] Speaker A: But it is so good. I think you. I think you've told me this before too, but I think, yeah, anxiety is very paralyzing. But you're right. Even a small step and you realize, wow, this is not as scary as I thought. Like, if you want to meet someone or if you want to accomplish a goal or you're worried about a final exam, just start studying. You're like, okay, okay. This is manageable. So the antidote to anxiety is indeed action. I think that's a beautiful thing to end on. I think that basically sums up the entire episode. I don't have anything else to add, and I. I truly, truly appreciated all the tips you threw out there, Sophia.
[00:24:52] Speaker B: Well, thank you.
I think we can end on that because I just gave a monologue, so I'm not gonna say anything else for the rest of the episode.
[00:25:01] Speaker A: To all of you and your loved ones, we have nothing but positive wishes for 2026. I hope you all have a great new year, set very good, smart goals, and hopefully run your own race. And we will see you in the next episode. Bye.
